Unwritten rules

One of life's great debates is this; what are the things that completely ruin friendships? The offlimit things that break even the strongest of bonds? the most common answer revolves around matters of the heart... Understandably so! Because therein our vulnerability lies.

If you lie to a close friend, trust is lost. If you steal, boundaries are drawn. If you speak ill, loyalty breaks. If you date a friend's ex, best you be living in a different country and you and that friend have since drifted apart.So on and so forth. Any form of betrayal bequeaths repercussions. Cause and effect.

My light-bulb moment came when i realised that all forms of betrayal between friends always stem from one thing: communication. If you cannot communicate openly, frankly and directly with a friend, then the title "friend" is used very loosely between you two. One cannot be honest if one is not a good communicator.

It's tricky though because communication is such a hard thing to master. You are trying to be cognisant of the other party's feelings, phrasing yourself articulately and an internal battle between what's sensible and what's nonsense. You are caught between selfish and fair, and a right and wrong that really does not exist.

Many times cases of betrayal are not so much about what the other party did but their failure to communicate their logic and actions. "It's not what you did, it's that you did not tell me, or that I had to get it out of you". The worst form of broken communication being half truths and omissions and then using fear and ignorance as a shield.

I'm not innocent of this myself, hence I've adopted a new habit. I'd rather let is spew and say I can't believe I said that, than do nothing and wish I had. Even if I do not get the desired result, at least I'll have nothing weighing on my peace of mind. Most importantly, it will strengthen the real friendships...