Who in their right mind would be humiliated by a lover and then go on to hang out with them as though nothing happened?
Who in their mind would get betrayed by a perceived ally, but still do favours for them thereafter?
Who catches out someone who is trying to use them but continue to work with them anyway?
My mother spoilt me, she taught me that kindness is everything.
And if I should be honest, every time I have attempted being spiteful and or vengeful I have failed... I can be cold, don't get it twisted, I'm just bad at keeping up animosity.
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I will not want to be around someone I fell out with in case I am tempted to talk to them, never mind take an interest in what has happened in their lives since we parted.
My problem is that I give in to the temptation to forgive too many times because I have the belief that good vibes outweigh the bad.. they do... but people are people! I also have a tendency to try to heal myself through healing others. Some might call me a people-pleaser but I am an ambassador of love!
Last year I wrote an article about someone I was once allowed close to me. I was perturbed when I wrote it because he had harassed me in front of new friends. Knowing this personality, I knew a confrontation would be a waste because sociopaths thrive on reactions whether positive or negative.
I was angry with myself for caring for this person because with all things considered he was just nasty, narcissistic, inconsiderate and hurtful. Especially to those who took any mercy upon him. I didn't find this natural. Silly ole me wrote the article with every intention to keep it balanced and genuine... months passed and lightening struck!
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I wrote that article for myself! I wish everyone well who has ever been close to me. My selfish logic is that if I invested time and emotion on you, you should at least do well beyond your affiliation with me. Besides, wishing anyone bad only chows at the wisher and nature spites you by blessing that person instead. My thing is to take what I can from the experience and improve myself.
The subject of my article did not feel that way, my words were taken as an attack and lies were fabricated about me. I laughed the first time I read what he wrote, but afterwards I felt both angry and sorry for him.
Angry because fools would cheer him on. Sorry for him because his words simply proved my point. Adding to that, slut-shaming a woman seems to be the only hope for a man who has nothing else to lose if not his dignity and that was precisely his resort.
The way I see it, the best way to shame me would have been do something he'd never done before... but oh well!
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My take away from the experience was that as heartbreaking as a stray/wounded animal might be it's not my duty to nurture it. Gotta toughen up sometimes because it beats the trouble that comes with cleaning up after it.
Friends have told me to be less nice and harden a little, I will not do it. But, I will be far more picky about where I direct my kindness, I owe it to myself and my daughter. One day she will google her mother's name and the last thing I want her to come across is slanderous posts about her mother... The same reason I will also NEVER use my writing to slander someone else.
