today ive been in a rather dark maze; listening to songs that further remind me of all i have and how paranoia poisons. im sitting here listenig to nana's reprise from alicia keys' as i am album... "i dont wanna wait to bring you flowers waste another hour let alone another day,im gonna tell you something, show you something wont wait til its too late"...i wish i had come up and said the words myself because that is exactly how i feel. these are the times i wish my heart would just speak for itself, where it would say all the things my mind tries to compose into words so it is in its purest and in the most potent form its meant.. but i faulter, i aim so much at being the perfection you seem to look at me in but i forget that my very imperfection IS what paints me perfect in your eyes.
i keep chasing myself escalating too fast into a direction id sworn to steer away from. now with its arrival i dont ever want it in end, i dont ever want to look forward to a day where you are "was" and are tucked in the corners of nostalgia!true no God willed thing lasts forever but in the moment i savour. once again i am a dreamer, and am one with the future,CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE I MUST SAY...im in a deranged state of euphoria and its not the high im addicted to, nor you..but its the fit in the puzzle that has me this lifted..and now i dont know how to contain myself.every day ends too soon,every moment goes by too fast and every moment spent draws me closer to insatiable: in definition, in emotion and in expression...some might even deem it too intense but thats my liberation.
suddenly the past is given a smile because now wouldnt be had it not been, suddenly all the parts of my heart i had written off are given a new life, suddenly the glow in my eye has returned and i ask in irony; "why would i never want this again?" why the stone that had now replaced the core of I?none the less it seems i am stumbling in my own footsteps, i stagger and struggle for balance and an adjustment...Now, when my eyes were wide shut and the world blocked out, a foreign,new sensation swept in and to my greater surprise i did not panic, i did not feel an urge in my feet to start moving faster, I JUST STOOD, WITH THE WIDEST MOST CONTENT SMILE ON MY FACE... with this new feat, now everything thats asked is a possibility and the unthought of is no longer so bizzare. i am inlove and the best way i know how...my only fear defined; do not SUFFOCATE!!! just please help me find my feet so i know to walk even with my eyes closed, because this already, is a sense of home...hnm love... ne???!
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